The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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