forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The best revenge is premature balding
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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