Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
