Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
