Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
