I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
