Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
