omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize