I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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