Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
