pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
