I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
