please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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