thus making me awesome and them whores
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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