I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize