I cut my penus on the lid.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
