I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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