At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
