my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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