I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
