You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
