your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
