Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
