I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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