Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
