the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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