this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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