I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And the cops told us we were all naked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
