This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
