OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
