I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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