um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
