i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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