So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
