First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
