Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize