I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
