yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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