I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
