Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fill condoms, not promises.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
