I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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