Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
