so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
