Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
