the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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