True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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