this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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