You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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