why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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