dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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