Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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