He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
