Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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