So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
