he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
