well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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