She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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