Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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