You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
