those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
