Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
