Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
