He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
