Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
