my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize