The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
