Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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