I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize