You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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