just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
