just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
