if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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