he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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