quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
