Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
