Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
