maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
