Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
