i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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