I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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