The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
