She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize