Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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