It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
