i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
