If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I will be naked everywhere
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
