i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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