I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize