Best friends brother. Beat that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
