So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
