Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize