I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
