Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
