Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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