He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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