You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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