she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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