ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
