i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need water and some morals
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
