So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
